Truth or Dare

Sometimes knowing it’s wrong to do it, we still go on with it, may even fall deeper into it.

I’m tired, tired of working for somethin that does not belong to me. Not now, not in the future…

Why am I working so hard? What am I trying to achieve, who am I doing it for?

Went over to my bro’s place to see my nephew. Cheeky looking baby, making faces while he sleeps BUT nv opens his eyes to look at me.
I like to look into ppl’s eyes… eyes catch my attention.
My sis-in-law says my newphew resembles my bro, but bro thinks otherwise, he thinks tat he looks lke me… (all babies looks similar wat…)

After my bro got married, I haven’t had the time to chat with him. Today, we discussed abt my nephew’s name. Then my sis-in-law started to tell me how my bro protrays himself before marriage.. neat & clean man. But once they got married, she realised how dirty & messy my bro is (BUT IT"S ALL TOO LATE!!!) Glad to see that they are getting along well, lovey dovey~, making me a little bit uneasy.

Thurs morning, I reached the lab before 8am. I guess she didnt expect anyone to be in the lab, when she peeped at who was at the culture hood, SHE saw me, gave me a broad smile & a morning greeting. Bet SHE has something up in HER sleeves… SHE went to her office then came out & stood beside me.
Shit!!! WHat does SHE wants this time? With a soft tone, SHE asked, "Do u still want to go down to L5? Here is not so bad la~"
I replied, "Ya, I will. When I start my extraction." Her response was "OK, if there is anything you r unhappy with, feel free to come & talk to me."

Almost everyone got shot during this week, except a few of us.

JB got scolded cos he tried to act smart… better don’t be too smart in our lab. Try your very best to act BLUR~

What am I thinking now??? It’ so empty … but full at the same time~ Oh gosh I hate this feeling.

Few days ago, I saw the patterns that I used to see when I was little. I’m hate to see it cos it makes me feel really really uncomfortable, unsettled.
Don’t ask me how it looks like, I don’t know how to describe. The feeling it gives me is like, I’m in a small enclosed space. Narrow, small, not enough ventilation.
I have no where to go but only forward… keeps climbing forward, can hardly breathe… … gasping for air~ finding an opening for me to escape.   

Since when have I become so indecisive? SE z520i/SE w550i leh?

Wish I’m lying on the field between my pri & sec school… …

Have u ever think, "Who am I going to miss most when I leave the world?" and "Who will miss me most after I leave the world?"

Nobody in this world is indispensable… …

21st Oct 2005
Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!!
Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!!
Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!! Idi…OT!!!
Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!!
Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!!
Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!!
Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!! Humph!!!

I’ve become an aunt!!! Hahahhah… went to see my newborn nephew. He is so adorable!!! He got natural curl hair!! Jus like my bro & me!!!
hahaha… My bro is so excited that he can’t stop taking photo & video cam. his son! The feeling of seeing a newborn… the feeling.. arg!
very hard to describe~ Red cheeks, soft fine hair, pouting lips… my nephew was sleeping when I visited him, he woke & opened his left eye to take a peep
at me then went back to zzz again.. cute little thing~ =)

Food Review Time:
Give "Naked Brownie" from Mr. Bean Cafe a try.
Perhaps "Sinful Brownie" if you want to eat it with ice cream topping.

22nd Oct 2005
Wonder how much will my hp bill be this month… overseas call for 20mins~

AstroCenter - Free Weekly Horoscope

"If you know of a particular matter that has been disturbing you lately, this could be the moment when you are pushed to do something about it."

I’ve talked to her, i cried & made her cried. I cried cos she hit my "痛穴". Anyway, she gave in.

"Don’t try to make decisions, but wait until the dust has settled and everything becomes clear."

Now that the situtation downstairs is so unfriendly, I’ll wait til the time is ripe before i move.

Dear Boss,

Do you know that I’m still waiting for your reply to my email? You have to get this problem solved, please learn your lessons. Don’t let History repeats itself.

Regards,

Yun

It’s a good thing that U get to see an old friend again after years, but definitely not at my work place - Cancer Centre. When I first saw him I was kind of delighted to see an old friend. But the thought of why he was there actually worried me. He is the 2nd friend I met in NCC. Both of them brought their love ones there… I wanted to show concern but I didn’t know how to.

I didnt want to bring it up… cos I know how it feels~ My heart actually soured after I said bye to him. I sat infront of the laptop & stared blankly at the screen. It takes only a split second to lose someone, how many seconds have u spent with him/her?

I wonder how Admus is now~

I wasn’t myself the whole afternoon. I appeared to be normal but… I was actually full of thoughts.

L5 had an ice cream party, only ppl working in L5 was invited. I knew abt it SHE… I don’t know what SHE is thinking. SHE knows I have been wanting to shift down… still rub salt into my wound, "Oh~ U cant join in the party." I was furious… really furious. I clutched on to my pen. The worst is SHE invited GP down. That !#%%#! GP has NO INTENTION of moving down!!!!

At 4pm, they happily went down. My blood boiled. Not bcos I don’t get to eat ice cream, but cos SHE didn’t keep her promise.

I HATE PEOPLE BREAKING PROMISE/S TO ME

It has been 3 mths.. SHE promised she get the student to move down. 3 mths has passed~ SHE said MT & GP will be working at L5. They are still at L6.
Not bcos I hate to see them (maybe.. I only don’t wan to see GP), i’ve no prejudice against they rest. I just need more space~ a more comfortable place to work.

I’m like a pathetic Lion locked inside a cage~

SHE can choose to let me go L5 or ask THEM to go L5. If not I’ll GO~ I don’t think this is an unreasonable request.

From next week onwards, I’ll start packing my things. I’m prepared to leave the sty ANYTIME. Let them fight for the oxygen in the lab, breathe into each others germs & viruses.

Within a week 3 ppl down with cough, thanks to the small enclosed crowded lab, thanks to HER cough virus~ Needless to say, I’m one of them.

Good luck to me, Good luck to HER. I just emailed HER. Mon I can have a long nice chat with HER.

Freak!~ I had a tired wk & now the bloody com. hanged, i lost every word that i typed. Furthermore I typed a long one!!

MON

J couldn’t find the shaker > requested to buy new one > I objected cos i remembered we have 2 > I went down to L5 to search for him > found it at other ppl’s bench > i was VERY angry > I commented, "How can she do that?! Use ppl’s stuff w/o asking! Somemore put on her own bench!!" > We went over to the girl’s lab to "settle scores" with her > she is not around > I asked J to moved the shaker back > Another girl HS overheard my harsh words > With her super "Bu Shuang" face said Ah bian & ZH shifted it over cos we got no more space & made an agreement that the girl can use > Bloody hell!!! They didn’t even mentioned, how I know ah?! 1 in china, 1 on MC for mths!

Later… … J told me HS told the girl wat happened & HS very "Bu shuang" with me~ cos i "accused" her of stealing~ Actually, with my character, I don’t give a damn abt her loh. But she got attitude problem, flooded our lab’s thermocycler for >24hrs Now give me attitude, BEST! I won’t give her a good life either~

Too busy with expt, not free to show her my black face. But after y expt. I went L5 to sort of apologise to the girl cos she must be thinking that I scolded her a thief or wat. Thank God, she is understanding, she knows it’s natural for me to be angry, so we cleared things up! J was so grateful to me cos I cleared the misunderstanding, if not he duno how to face her at L5 in future. Well, I’m not so unreasonable. If i’m in the wrong, I’ll give my apologies. As for HS? She "bu shuang" me? I’ll show up at L5 everyday for her to see my sickening face!! She already offended TJ, so better be careful.

TUES

Lab meeting… J request to shift to L6 cos most of the reagent he needs are in L6, she said one must be flexible & innovative, be creative, find a solution, aliquot the reagents, blah blah blah! SHE disallowed… talking abt how her first Hons student started w/o anything & as usual… "Pressure Cooker" telling the "Maggi Mee" story~ *yawns* Then out of the sudden she said, "Nobody wants to go down, their stuffs are all up there" "Who wants to go down?!" Sad to say, I was the only one… one & only one~ Guess what she responded? "Anyone but PY cannot go down, I need her~ she got everything I need up in her mind, do u?" I almost pull out my hair & banged head on table… … SHE made me mad again, "That AK, watever project I give her, she will fail, she is not cut out to be a researcher!" Wow lao eh… ppl left, u turned ur back. It happened to LP, JY & AK~ WOnder what SHE will say abt me when i leave.

WED

Early in the mornin SHE asked me, "Have u done the PCR?" freaking hell… JW nv give me primers, I know nothing wat the project is abt. SHE nv tell me, JW nv tell me, they only discussed with XL. Ask me to optimise PCR, design primers, give XL DNA (I still have to dilute & aliquot out for her - SHE thinks I very free ah?!) PCR? Amplify wat gene? Wat is the use of it? SNapshot? Seq? Cloning? or wat? For fun ah? Nv tell me anything, ask me do… really a maid. optimise… may as well i do.. save time save trouble~ That AT… have to design primers for her also. But she nv ask me anything, nv show me the seq or region she wants to look into… Heck! That sloppy girl… let her rot & die there~ None of my business. Why should I care when she can’t be bothered? Do things for her still have to beg her to show me the data ah?! At least XL showed some enthusiasm, so pestered JW, got the primers, did a PCR. When I showed HER the results, guess wat? SHE said, "JW’s PCR very bad, think u better re-design the primers, don’t use his." I "HUH?!" Is SHE kidding?! What in her mind???? What is SHE thinking??!!

THURS

I thought there will be peace today… worse. SHE gave me a deadline to troubleshoot the problem, if not SHE will let me drop the project & start a new one. SHE claimed it to be MY PROJECT. MY own project… want to give me a sense of belonging? *sighs* Scientist are bloody liars~ Just bcos SHE needs to complete it ASAP as promised. SHE put it in a nice way that SHE trusted me & I’ll be the BEST person to do. *sighs* Wat is the use? I can nv be the first author… I know~ I’m not fit to be one. So who will claim the credit? *shrugs* JB? SHE left after lunch to NUS. Then the lab became like market… it’s livelier but cos of GP’s voice & laughter… I’ll call it NOISE POLLUTION cos she irritates me. I went to L5, AT was using the com. to send internet SMS. So i walked to TJ to chat with her. Then AT wore her lab coat & started doing cell culture. If I didn’t appear, is she going to slack there?

Got to read the paper later after LOST… … *rubs eyes & yawns* "Claire" is giving birth… Looking forward to my nephew’s birth~ "Boone" is dead.. left the only good looking "Sawyer"…

"LOVE IS LIKE PLAYING THE PIANO. FIRST YOU MUST LEARN TO PLAY BY THE RULES, THAN YOU MUST FORGET THE RULES AND PLAY FROM YOUR HEART." ~Source Unknown

I am a researcher, a secretary & a maid… … further more, I’m the cheapest labour in the lab. Anybody wants to employ me?
DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!!

I thought I can withstand 2 weeks for not drinking coffee but then i couldn’t control myself, so undisciplined.
I’m so short tempered these 2 days… get pissed off easily… (Ya right, PMS). I was listening to the mP3 this morning, Jay Chou’s songs. Then my heart suddenly soured when I heard these 2 songs "Jie Kou" & "Ni Bi Cong Qian Kuai Le".
That stupid JB, duno what he is doin now… the centrifuge is making weird sound (obviously he didn’t balance), AND HE IS STILL CONTINUING!!!!! He took out his sample, & out it in … again & again. Poor centrifuge, he is going to shorten it’s life. Luckily most of the people went for the meeting, if not, if SHE hears that he is going to be dead!
And duno which BXXXXXd took out the tubes from thermocycler w/o stopping the program, it’s flooded (>22hrs). Nobody owns up! (as usual). JB & GP have been hoggin on to the centrifuge for SEQ DNA precipitation… STupid shit! I can’t even harvest & freeze my cells. BAKA!!! Get your arses off to level 5!!! Both of u!!! JB started to sing again… sitting opp. my bench singing… it REALLY REALLY pissed me off!!! ("Dear God, can u please ask him to stop singing when I’m around, if not I’m going to curse him to have sore throat every weekdays").
I’m so sorry I sweared juz now & I think SHE overheard~